god test

This is a simple test to determine if you qualify to be a god – even the ONLY God. There are a couple of reasons for this test, the most significant the rejection of the God of the Bible and his replacement by man. So, I think it is only fair that those who deny the God of the Bible, should undergo the following very simple test to determine if they are truly fit to replace Him. Ons word of warning though: you have to score full marks on this test. Nothing less than perfect will work. Human beings do not really like following a imperfect being, although they say that making mistakes is ok. Don’t believe them – if something goes wrong, it will backfire on you as the result of your “imperfectness.” So that makes the stakes very high in this test.

TEST 1: The Creation Test

In this test, you have 6 days to create your own universe. Here’s how it works. You take an empty container (this is actually a cheat, because there is not really nothing in there, so you have a head start over the God of the Bible who had to do it from nothing). Now that you have the empty container with all the “nothing” in there, you have to start speaking to it. Yes, you are not allowed to work with your hands – this is also a test to see how powerful your word can be. For six days you have to speak to the nothing to get it to form something. Keep in mind that you are busy creating your own universe, so nonsensical creations will not count towards passing the test. Everything must fit perfectly with the whole.

As an alternative to this test, if you should think it to difficult and bail out, you could go for the Atheist test. You start with the same empty container and just leave it for a couple of billion of years to see what forms out of it (I hope you will still be around by the time something appears, but something tells me your luck will run out while waiting).

TEST 2: The History Control Test

Test number two tests your ability to control the flow of history, even in the most detailed sense. If you did not flunk test 1, you could use your universe that you created, and steer its history in a certain direction. There is a catch though: there must be a purpose to it all, and you may at no time loose control over a single detail in the process. If you did not pass test 1, you may try and borrow someone else’s universe (although I think this is going to be extremely difficult to do, as the number of humans who usually pass the first test is never higher than zero).

TEST 3: The Lie Test

This should be a very easy test to do. You only have to answer a single question. Remember that you have to be dead honest in your answer, because no one wants to follow a god who’s honesty is doubtful. So here is the question (and remember to be honest in your answer): “Have you ever lied in your whole life?” Only “Yes” or “No” is allowed.

The next couple of tests fall in a category called “Authority Tests”.

TEST 4: The Authority over Demons Test

This test is a bit bizarre. You will be supplied with people having strange, perverse and very rebellious behaviour. During this test it will seem as if they have a complete change in personality as if being taken over by some strange force. You role will be to free them of this in order that they will never again show this type of behaviour (and with that be unfit for future god-tests). No medication may be used, no mind-control is allowed. You will only be allowed to use your authority as god.

TEST 5: The Authority over Storm Test

During this test, you will encounter a very heavy and dangerous storm. Your responsibility is to speak to this storm and make it calm down. Again, nothing else but your authority may be utilised in this test.

TEST 6: The Authority over Sickness Test

During this test, you will encounter all sorts of sicknesses which you must heal. And the healing may not be faked. You may also not use medication, surgery, or any practice from the medical profession. You are allowed to lay your hands on those that you heal, but for the rest you are to rely on your authority alone.

TEST 7: The Authority over Death Test

This is probably a very difficult test, and the pass rate is very low (in fact, only one person ever passed this test ever in history). It consists of two parts. The first part is where you have to tell someone who is already dead, to come out of the grave. You have to have a crowd with you will will act as your witnesses to this. The person must be dead for at least 4 days before you do this. (We can fortunately supply you with a couple of candidates that also enrolled for the god-test, as they did not pass the second part of this test). So what you have to do in this first part is to ask a few people to dig up a grave for you and then call that person by name.

The second part gets a bit involved, and this is where a whole bunch of god candidates pulls out. You will be killed (not without a whole lot of suffering before dying). After being killed, we will make sure you are really dead and then you will be buried. Guards will be posted at your grave to make sure that what happens is true. Now, you are not allowed to come back to life before 3 nights and 3 days went by. And you have to come back to life on the third day and prove yourself to be alive.

TEST 8: The Blasphemy Test

This will not be a test on its own, but will run consecutively with all the test. You will be called all sorts of names, made responsible for events you did not do, you character will be blasphemed and your authority ignored. You followers and all possible followers will be told how bad you really are and how bad it is to follow your commands. Your role is not to be swayed by all of this put to go through all the tests one by one to prove you are a god.

ENROLLMENT

Now that you have read what the god-test involves, you may en-roll  Please keep in mind that failing even one of the tests will disqualify you as a perfect god (and the first test is usually the decisive one). You do have another option though, and that is to acknowledge that you are NOT a god and will never be a god and are desperately in need of the God of the Bible. To be honest, there is only One who ever passed all the tests above (and a couple more) without any difficulty, and therefore He is highly recommended to be accepted and honoured and worshipped as God. In fact, He is the God of the Bible.

He created the heavens and the earth and everything else in 6 days without any problems. He created is own universe and is in control of every little detail if its history up to today without ever getting confused or stressed out. In fact, He devised the most perfect plan even before He started creating and is still busy with that plan. Never has He lied to any of His followers or creatures that He made. There is actually no blemish in Him or His Word, although people constantly utters blasphemous stuff about Him. He even became a human being and displayed His authority over demons, nature, sickness and death. He is the only one who wilfully laid down His own life (on a cross, which was the worst death you could die!) and took it up again on the third day. 

He is the Triune God of the Bible, the Father, the Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Rather than attempting this test, bow down and repent from your arrogance, and worship Him as God, and Him alone.

Thank you for considering to do this test, but an even greater thanks for not doing it and acknowledging that you are not god and will never be. I hope you will take my advice and rather worship the God of the Bible as the only true God.

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